i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
