Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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