"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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