I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
And then he peed in my hair
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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