Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
