Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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