Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I looked at my own cervix.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
