Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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