You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
