Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
