Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
