I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
