i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who died my cat blue again?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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