I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am midnight drunk by noon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
