Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
