I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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