..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
