The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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