I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
