Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
