i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
