he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
