Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
