Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
