I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
