drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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