sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
