3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
