Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
