That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
