we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
