Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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