I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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