Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
