chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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