i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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