If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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