I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
