you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Small penises have feelings too.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
