If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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