Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
