Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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