Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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