not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
