What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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