Please, let me fuck your mom
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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