1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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