It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
