i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
