Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
