cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
