i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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