To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
