I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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