You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
