she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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