Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
