I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
