3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
