piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
