I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You may now shotgun with the bride
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
