Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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