Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
