I want to walk on stilts...naked
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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