I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
