you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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