A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
bring money and cleavage
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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