as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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