i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
worst night to have a conscience
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
