she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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