but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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