so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize