I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
