in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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